¡GIANT TWO HEADED T-REX ATTACKS MASSIVE BELLINI GLASS WITH BALLS!

I live in Columbus, Ohio. Other than the campus of OSU, there is nothing “big” in Columbus, Ohio. And I don’t have the necessary zeppelin to capture its size. Everything else is a respectable average. That’s what Columbus, Ohio is most famous for: it’s impressively above-average averageness. We have a nice skyline, but not one that shouts Columbus, Ohio, Manhattan of the Corn! Our highways are big enough to handle the necessary traffic, but this ain’t LA, Atlanta, or Dallas. Our zoo is famous, but the animals are all normally sized for their species.

I lay awake in my bed. Tossing. Turning. Little hamster spinning on its wheel. Big. Big. Big. What’s big around here?

I slept fitfully. I woke up early. Called in the back-up hamster. What’s big?

Then I noticed the water in the glass by my bed. The surface was rippling. The cat looked at me, said “Hell no!” and bolted under the bed. I went to the window.

Dear God, I thought. The prophesy has been fufilled!

Giant two-headed T-Rex spies his (and/or) her nemesis, the massive bellini glass with balls…

The beast drools in anticipation…

It lumbers forward, but the massive bellini glass with balls remains stoic…

From the lofty heights of the massive bellini glass, the balls fear nothing. The giant two-headed T-Rex mull his (and/or) options…

Powerful jaws begin the climb…

Victory!

We underestimated the threat! Who will save us now?!?

¡MURDER CAT EX-MACHINA!

The beast lays vanquished! Thank you, Murder Cat!

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