Woke up this this morning and I saw that World Bipolar Day was trending on Facebook. First of all, thanks for creeping me out Facebook Algorithm. Second, I’m going to need you to send me some gifts. Here are a few ideas:
1) I would love some medication that didn’t cause weight gain. Deep down I feel I should adhere more closely to society’s beauty standards. That involves losing at least seventy-five pounds. I’ve been taking meds of some sort for over 25 years now; the first thing I remember the doctor telling me about that first scrip for Zoloft was “watch out for the weight gain.” Now I no longer have to watch out for the weight gain. It’s there every time I look down. It’s strange that medications that are supposed to make you feel better about yourself have the side effect of giving you a body that’s kinda hard to feel good about.
2) A day where I wake up and just know it’s going to be a good day –no more of this waiting around to see how my brain’s lining up. So, please, somebody send me some of those cartoon bluebirds that always let the Princess know she’s going to have a good day. I would like to know it’s going to be just fine before I shoehorn in some caffeine in an attempt to artificially create a good day. Caffeine wears off; cartoon bluebirds do not.
3) I would love if everyone made a concerted effort not to use the word “bipolar” to describe anyone who’s changed his or her mind or undergone a mood shift. That kind of stuff happens to everyone and everything. I once saw a guy on FaceBook describe his cat as bipolar because the cat was, well, acting like a cat –zero to sixty, back to zero. You don’t see people calling other people “diabetic” because they’re just so darn sweet. I am not your shorthand.
4) Did you know that March 30th was chosen as World Bipolar Day because it’s Vincent Van Gogh’s birthday. Supposedly, Van Gogh’s genius stemmed from his bipolar disorder. March 30th is a stupid day to choose as World Bipolar Day. How am I supposed to compete with Vincent Van Gogh? So for this World Bipolar Day, stop expecting flaming genius to all of a sudden burst out of my diseased brain. Or for me to cut off my ear. Not going to happen on either count. In my honest opinion, picking Van Gogh as a the poster child for the disease only serves to perpetuate stereotypes based upon extreme cases. Besides, I don’t even have the same kind of bipolar that Van Gogh had. To wit…
5) As long as we’re at it, can we print up little fridge magnets for everyone reminding them of the difference between Bipolar I and Bipolar II. Everyone loves fridge magnets. Two different diseases. BP-I’s problem lies in the excessive mania; BP-2’s lies in the excessive depression. It’s even more of a difference between the two kinds of diabetes to the outside observer, yet no one ever seems to know there’s two types of Bipolar. Maybe if we changed the name of Bipolar II to the Rapid-Sadz.
6) Finally, I would also like a Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots. On the surface, this has nothing to do with World Bipolar Day, but it can’t hurt to ask for like the 90th time. I was denied one as a child –something about the noise. But, in a stretch, it would help with the bipolar: First, it would relieve some seriously pent up anger. Second, it would require me to connect with another person in order to play. I will always get to be the red robot; this is not negotiable.
Stores close at 9:00pm.